Me, Myself and I

How to Build a Healthy Relationship with Yourself Every Day.

Internal relations refers to a relationship you have with yourself. Your relationship with yourself is one of the most important ones you’ll ever have. How we think about ourselves and treat ourselves is one of the first relationships we’ll ever have. As it turns out, this relationship is extremely important because it can influence all our other ones.

In other words: it’s how we view, understand, talk with, and respond to ourselves and our needs. It’s how we feel about all the different parts of ourselves — our bodies, moods, mindsets, and behavior.

And it’s how we treat those parts of ourselves, whether that’s with support, love, encouragement, and compassion or criticism and disgust.

Why is a self-relationship important?

“It can sound funny to have a ‘self-relationship’ because society does not teach us to have one,” explains Simone Koger, a licensed marriage and family therapist, grief counselor, and owner of Koger Counseling.

“[But] it is important to constantly be thoughtful toward your self-relationship because it affects all other aspects of your life.”

For example, being critical of yourself can affect your self-esteem, causing you to feel bad about yourself regularly. A lack of self-esteem can make you retreat or avoid family and friends. Alternatively, it could cause you to develop a lack of boundaries with other people, allowing toxic relationships into your life.

Over time, this can affect your relationships and friendships, as well as sabotage your confidence at work or your desire to go after your goals in life.

“A negative self-relationship can hold people back even from pursuing goals that are within their reach because they stop themselves from trying,” says Kara Nassour, a licensed professional counselor from Austin, Texas.

Over time, this negative self-relationship — and its impact on your self-esteem and behavior can have a lasting impact on your mental health, leading to increased stress, depression, anxiety, and social anxiety.

Conversely, a positive self-relationship can make you more resilient to depression and anxiety.

“Beginning to see yourself as a person who needs compassion and care can often help you move through challenging emotions more smoothly,” says O’Brien. “You may notice an increase in energy, less depression, and more capacity to connect with others.”

There are several ways you can work towards having a healthier relationship with yourself. Here are some tips.

Check-in with yourself
Validate all your feelings. Validating your feelings means accepting your feelings. When you validate your feelings and understand why you’re having them, you’ll be able to maybe address the core need you’re having that’s leading to these unpleasant feelings.
Remember that it’s OK to say “no”
Make time for yourself and the things you enjoy
Set boundaries
Remind yourself that it’s not ‘selfish’ to take care of yourself
Consider journaling
Try to think of positive affirmations about yourself each day
Reach out to a therapist